Sally's Story
I knew something was going on. My husband was drinking heavily and seemed depressed and anxious. Joe, my eldest, who was 31 then, kept asking for money and he was getting really insistent. Eventually I said to him, "You're just like a drug addict!" That's when my husband broke down and confessed he had been funding Joe's drug habit.
Find out more about Sally's journey below.
I think he felt I was trying to punish him by not having sex. I suppose he wasn't able to understand what I was feeling and I'd never have the energy to talk about it
I looked for solutions but felt really let down
My first thought was to get Joe some professional help, through our GP and then a treatment centre. But I felt really angry about the level of care he got - they promised everything and delivered nothing. Because Joe couldn't get a place in the right kind of treatment centre, he had to come off heroin in our home.
My husband didn't want to talk - but I needed to and no-one was listening
My husband was coping with the situation by not talking about it, but I really needed to. I'd had counselling before - when my younger son was experimenting with drugs - and I'd found that really helpful. So I asked a psychiatric nurse who was coming out to see Joe if I could talk to her too, but she said no. I felt so alone: no-one was listening. Finally I turned to my friends and am so grateful to them because they listened to me and didn't shut the door.
Joe was causing havoc while he came off heroin
Although I was starting to feel a bit better, Joe's behaviour was getting worse. He lived with us for six weeks while he was coming off heroin - it was six weeks of hell. He smashed some of our furniture and needed constant supervision so that he didn't hide his tablets and then take them all at once. Eventually he moved back to his own house and seemed to be doing OK.
We tried to support him, but the manipulation and violence continued. We had reached a crucial decision point.
Once he'd moved back to his house, I told Joe he only had to phone and we would be there for him. But then he came round to ask us for a large sum of money . He said he wanted to move house. We said no because we couldn't afford it, and he got really violent and left. Later that night he put a suicide note through the door and said he'd be down at the local hospital. I realised we'd reached a crucial decision point. Either we could continue to be manipulated or we could stand back - it was the hardest decision to make, but we stayed away from the hospital. Joe came to ours a few times after that for food, looking really ill. I felt dreadful. Then he moved north to work on a farm. I know where he is and write him letters, but he doesn't reply. And when we give our other son any money, we put the same amount to one side for Joe.
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